Get Outta My Face - Chapter 4 & 5

I apologize to any who have been following this update. Two Thursdays ago I was preparing for a camping weekend with my Sr. Guys, and last Thursday I was packing for the move. So here is a general synopsis of chapters four and five and what points stuck out to me.

Chapter 4:

Chapter four focused on dealing with every conflict (especially teens) with the end goal of glorifying God and being aware of your own sinfulness. This was his five benefits to approaching your teen with the end goal of glorifying God above all else:

1 - It will help protect you from fear and intimidation in the face of your teen's threats (threats to leave, hurt you, or hurt themselves, or to play one parent against another).

2 - It will give you boldness and courage, should it come time to make difficult decisions (having to remove a child from school or your house, allowing the law to run its course without interfering, etc.).

3 - It will clothe you with humility and openness to see your own failures and sins more clearly (sharing our weaknesses points to God's glory, see 2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

4 - It will energize you with confidence and hope as you continue to live faithfully with other members of your family, your church, and your world (a good reminder is that however bitter or disrespectful your teen may be, the situation is never out of God's control, and it is certainly not within ours).

5 - It will make your prayers Biblical and effective (God delights when His people display a holy jealousy for his glory.

With working with teens for only a short three years at MCC. I've truly realized and benefited from the times where I've been obedient to God and been humble and open with the teens when they do have an issue arise in their lives. It helps them see that I'm human and I can connect with them.

Chapter 5:

Chapter four focused on God's glory while chapter five focuses strongly on our own personal sin and how we can deal with this in a way that is productive to our teens. He lists five ways that acknowledging your own sin will help your stance in a conflict:

1 - It can help you take a humble approach, as one sinner speaking to another (notice the theme here? ... humility leading to God's glory)

2 - It will make you a realistic model of how a needy person can admit his failures and move on to make better choices (this is especially true of parents and leaders who tried to hide their past in an attempt to "help" their teens)

3 - At times this will initiate mutual confession by your teens (no guarantees here, but remember God is in control of this situation, we are not ... trust in Him and lean not on your own understanding)

4 - It will help you be thoughtful, just, and realistic about actions you need to take or support (at times the justice may have to take place in your life as well as the teens, being open to discussion about sin, means being open to discipline, education, and correction about that sin).

5 - It can help demonstrate the richness and freedom that comes with Christ's forgiveness and acceptance. (we are called to forgive as Christ forgave us, when we do this to our teens they not only experience grace, but are pointed to the greater picture of Christ).

Be open with your sins, past and present. It helps the teens see that you can come through some of the same troubles by trusting in the Lord and walking with His church. This also shows them that even though we are justified by grace through faith, we are are daily being sanctified until we are glorified in the presence of our King.

On my way to WV for Sr. Guys camping weekend!!!

Summer Reading List

I thought I would post what I'm working through this summer:

Bible Doctrine - Wayne Grudem

Get Outta My Face - Rick Horne

The Gospel According to Jesus - John MacArthur

God is the Gospel - John Piper

Life as a Vapor - John Piper

John Calvin: A Heart for Devotion, Doctrine and Doxology - Buck Parsons and others

What is a Healthy Church - Mark Dever

What is a Healthy Church Member - Thabiti Anyabwile

Psalms

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God - John Piper & Justin Taylor

Lectures to My Students - Charles Spurgeon

Finally Alive - John Piper

Just because it is summer doesn't mean we can put our brains to sleep, it's time to dig deep and prepare for the school year, because that is when we face many battles. Take the summer to refuel, re-equip, and grow in Christ!

Get Outta My Face - Chapter 3

I like reading slowly through several books. It helps me to share thoughts weekly with others as I go through them and flesh out all that is being said in each. I'm going through a couple now and meet with corresponding groups to discuss them. The third chapter of "Get Outta My Face" is about the "wise wants" that all people, especially teens, have because of God's common grace. His main point was that teens act based on their felt needs, but many times their is an underlying "wise want" underneath, and at time so deep that it takes time and digging to get to them.

Teens will sin, it is important for us to think about how we deal with this sin whether you are their parent, friend, teacher, or pastor. The author says "For parents, the best question to ask is not 'Do we deal with the sin or do we not?' The question is, 'When and how is the sin to be dealt with in the way that will be most effective?" It is important to remember that we are all works in progress. To the unconverted teen their stage is lost, and unaware of the eternal aspect of their sin. To the born again teen their stage is a battle with their flesh. God IS working in our lives through the sanctification by His Holy Spirit. We need to trust in that and remember that sin needs to be dealt with always. ALWAYS. How we deal with it and when is where we have some freedom, because our influence on teens like ministry in general is a marathon. We can't forget that we have time to deal with teens. We did not get "right" all at once, to say that we did is to say that we are essentially God Himself. We (teens included) will never be "right" until we are glorified by God.

Remember that Christ Justifies us, the Holy Spirit is Sanctifying us, and one day God will glorify us. Trust in that when you are dealing with teens. Trust in the fact that you can't do it, and need His guidance and help. Look for the right times to deal with the right issues and not every issue at once.

Leave comments below!

Get Outta My Face - Chapter 2

Sorry for the hiatus last week, but I'm back now and want to just jot down a brief summary of chapter 2 and tell you what stuck out to me the most.

The Chapter  is labeled "Understanding Your Teen Biblically".  It is based on 8 Biblical lenses for us to look through to see angry teens clearly:

1 - Teens, just like parents and counselors, are sinners.

2 - Teens can be respected as young adults.

3 - Common grace, God's general goodness to all, allows any sinner to make some wise choices.

4 - God's goodness accounts for "wise wants" that lie (often deeply) within our teens.

5 - Help that brings about change in angry teens often begins at a surface level but must aim deeper.

6 - Teens can and must think about their choices in light of goals and consequences. 

7 - Scriptural principles cover both how to speak and what to say to angry, unmotivated teens.

8 - God gives us others to support us and to help us counsel our teens.

This chapter was a good overview of some good reminders that Scripture lays out for us.  I personally like the first "lens", that "teens, just like parents and counselors, are sinners".  It makes all the difference when approaching people going in with an attitude of humility because you know that while their sin is evident at the moment, I am just as guilty as them.  Of those 8 lenses listed, which would make an impact on you and your dealings with "angry, unmotivated teens"?

Click on the comments link to post your thoughts!

Miscarriage, Misfortune, and God's Will

     I've had a pretty good and comfortable life.  I have had nobody near me pass away, I have had no intense sickness, I'm pretty healthy (although If i continue to eat out this much I could scratch the last comment).  Things have always seemed to go "my" way.  I graduated college and had a job less than a month later (very rare).  Anytime Jill and I have been in a pinch financially there has been this money that has came to help us.  I have experienced nothing out of the normal.  

     All of this changed last Monday when Jill and I learned that Jill had a miscarriage.  Monday and Tuesday are probably the worst two days of my life.  I sat in doctors offices, emergency rooms, waiting rooms, hospital cafeterias and all the while knowing my hoped for child was gone.  I don't cry, but I did last week.  I don't remain quiet, but I did last week.  I don't sit and watch, but I did last week.  

     We had hoped for a child, but it is not happening at the moment.  I was reminded of things throughout all of this that were from God and His word, so that I would not waver.  I experienced Him keeping me through a time of suffering.  I was reminded that this is not our fault in any way.  It is another result of a fallen world.  God's perfect world that is not tainted with sin is not full of death but life only!  I was reminded that this situation could be worse.  We could have lost a child.  We didn't lose a child, we just didn't get what we hoped for.  It doesn't make it fine and cheery, but it was important for us to remember that God allowed us to experience only this.  Through all of this I was constantly reminded in my heart and soul that God is sovereign and in control.  I want to give him praise through this situation, and rejoice in Him at all times, including times of suffering and hardship.  He is my treasure, my satisfaction, and my hope.  

     This week at youth I will talk more about this and look forward to sharing in the greatness of God in the midst of hardships of the world.